Daily Droppings: “I Can’t Wait”

Special thanks to Sandra from What Sandra Thinks who created a series of daily prompts for the month of February which are the source of inspiration for this series.


The prompt: “I Can’t Wait”


I spent so much of my life wishing it away. Hoping to fast forward or, better yet, skip ahead to the end. It’s taken a lot of hard work and self-care, but I’m grateful that today “I can wait”.


Content Warning: References to self-harm and suicidal ideation.


Breathless

I see him there in my memory

a boy no older than two times three

sitting on those stairs

not anticipating future back stares

from an older self in therapy

 

He becomes smudged and blurry

as I uncover what I had tried to bury

my eyes becoming wet

seeing him on that step

now crying uncontrollably

 

He was just a small child earnestly

but with uncertainty

trying his best

to close out his breath

and wishing so desperately

 

Having thought quite stupidly

squeezing his neck tightly

would take away his pain

which wasn’t insane

for a child of only two times three

 

He felt unlovable and lonely

I know, for this wasn’t just some story

of a boy and his sadness

or the beginning of his madness

it was my found history

 

Having failed miserably

I had given-up patiently

and I’m not really surprised

there was no demise

as this was to become a lifetime study


Be well,

Monty

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