This was my first foray into blogging games. We all know that Paul over at The Captain’s Speech is the OG in this area and while I didn’t want to impinge on his captaincy, I decided to experiment a bit with a Never Has Monty Ever…quiz. Here are the results!

First of all, thanks to each of the competitors for your participation. I enjoyed reading your guesses and associated commentary. This was not an easy one and you all put in a great effort.

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The Competitors:

No Love for Fatties (GF)

MidLife Cat Lady (CL)

The Confusing Middle (CM)

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The Rules/Scoring:

1) I provided one “Never Has Monty Ever” question with 26 different possible answers (3 correct answers + 23 incorrect answers) and each competitor had five guesses and were encouraged to provide “entertaining commentary” to earn additional points.

2. Scoring was based on three components: correct answers (30 possible points) + entertaining commentary (50 possible points) + LOL bonus (20 possible points) = 100 total possible points.

Correct answers – 10 points for each correct answer (3 x 10 = 30 possible points)

Entertaining Commentary – Up to 10 points for each answer’s commentary (5 x 10 = 50 possible points)

LOL bonus – 20 points for making me literally LOL (20 possible points)

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The Prize

A paperback or e-copy of Monty’s Almanac 202x (winner’s choice) – a prize of questionable value (or US$6.84 per Amazon).

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The Game – The Question & Answers

“Never Has Monty Ever Been Paid To”:

(Select five answers. There are a total of three possible correct answers)

A) Sell popcorn

Answer: Incorrect. I HAVE been paid to sell popcorn. During high school, I worked in a movie theater for about three years and my first job was selling concessions – soda, candy, and popcorn. The pay was US$3.25/hour if I recall correctly. Plus access to watch movies free.

Points Awarded: No guesses/No points.

B) Remove a tree stump

Answer: Incorrect. I HAVE been paid to remove a tree stump. This is probably the hardest physical job that I’ve ever had and was part of a landscaping odd-job project. I don’t remember how much I was paid specifically. I just remember distinctly that I didn’t think it was worth it. Removing a tree stump without the right tools is a nightmare. Add the hot summer sun and humidity and its a nightmare I’ll never forget.

Points Awarded: No guesses/No points.

C) Provide security

Answer: Incorrect. I HAVE been paid to provide security. During college part of my financial aid was an on-campus job and I worked as library security for a couple of years. Basically I had to sit next to a revolving door that let ALL the weather in. It was a great job for getting studying done though as no one ever complained about me having a book in front of me while on the job.

Points Awarded: No guesses/No points.

D) Dog-sit

Answer: Incorrect. I HAVE been paid to dog-sit. It was a brief assignment when I was a kid. My mom was house sitting and I got the “dog sitting” assignment. The dog was more like a wolf and quite a handful, but I remember enjoying it.

Points Awarded: No guesses/No points.

E) Jack-hammer a cement floor

Answer: Incorrect. I HAVE been paid to jack-hammer a cement floor. Or perhaps more accurately to TRY and jack-hammer a cement floor. During college summer and winter breaks I worked a construction job. I was just unskilled labor, but because of the nature of the job and certain union rules it actually paid really really well (US$25/hour!!). I think the other guys were just playing a bit of a joke on me when they gave me the task. I did not have the physical mass required to handle the jack-hammer and it was more like me bouncing up and down while scratching the floor a bit vs. any demolition. They eventually put me back on wheel-barrow duty to remove the cement rubble.

Points Awarded: GF – 10

GF – 10 points for entertaining commentary. Excellent points made and it reminded me of how ridiculous I must have looked while trying to use the jack-hammer. This one made me chuckle aloud (see bonus points).

F) Paint a fence

Answer: Correct. Finally a correct answer here. I’ve painted a fence before (or at least stained one) but it was a chore/home-project and never for pay.

Points Awarded: CM – 20

CM – 10 points for a correct answer (the only one of the bunch so congratulations!). Another 10 points for entertaining commentary. I loved the Karate Kid and even enjoy watching Cobra Kai. Unfortunately I did not pick up the martial arts skills despite having put in the (un-paid) time.

G) Demolish a bathroom

Answer: Incorrect. I HAVE been paid to demolish a bathroom. Interesting enough I was hired to wait/buss tables (see “H”) at this catering establishment and after one event of waiting/bussing tables they deemed I was more suited for their bathroom renovation project. I have to say taking a sledgehammer to the bathroom was a lot of fun. Much more fun then trying not to drop the dishes.

Points Awarded: CL – 5

CL – 5 points for entertaining commentary. Honestly this was a very fun project to get paid for. It’s not as “huge” a job as you might think. A sledgehammer goes a long way.

H) Wait/buss tables

Answer: Incorrect. I have been paid to wait/buss tables although it was very short lived (See “G” above). I’m still not sure why I was never asked to wait again.

Points Awarded: No guesses/No points

I) Cut the grass

Answer: Incorrect. I earned my allowance by cutting the grass during part of my childhood.

Points Awarded: No guesses/No points.

J) Run a medical plastics extrusion machine

Answer: Incorrect. During one summer in college I had a job at a medical plastics factory (my Dad knew the owner) and I got to run their extrusion machine to experiment with recycling/reusing waste plastic. I studied Chemical Engineering, so it was within my field (though I certainly didn’t know what I was doing). But neither did the other operators in my opinion. One guy almost lost his hand while I was working there on the three-roll mill. It was grisly.

Points Awarded: GF – 5

GF – 5 points for entertaining commentary. Very valid commentary about this requiring specialized skills, but not as entertaining as your other commentary provided.

K) Be a teacher’s assistant

Answer: Incorrect. I was a TA one semester in college (after I finished the library security job). It was very stressful because it was for the Intro to Chemical Engineering course which I, myself, had struggled with. But the professor was very supportive and eventually hired me to do lab research as well (see “L”).

Points Awarded: CL – 5

CL – 5 points for entertaining commentary. I’m not sure anyone can be a TA. It’s actually quite challenging!

L) Do lab research

Answer: Incorrect. In my last summer at college I stayed on campus to do some paid lab research. I was trying to synthesize a specific polymeric structure and I did create something but I never figured out exactly what. I learned that testing and analysis is much harder than the making. I also did lab research multiple times in my later career, but this was my first and most memorable experience.

Points Awarded: No guesses/No points.

M) Be a cashier

Answer: Incorrect. While working at the movie theater in high school I also took shifts as ticket sales/cashier. It got pretty hectic some nights when we had two cashiers per ticket machine trying to get everyone into the theater on time.

Points Awarded: No guesses/No points.

N) Bag groceries

Answer: Correct! I’ve never worked in a supermarket so the only bagging I’ve done is for myself (or once in a while for someone that looked like they needed help).

Points Awarded: No guesses/No points.

O) Mix paint

Answer: Incorrect. My first job was working for a Japanese chemical company and they manufactured silica gel which was used as a paint additive (to make paint appear matte finish). As part of our training we had to mix different amounts/types of silica into black paint and then measure the gloss/shine.

Points Awarded: CL – 5

CL – 5 points for entertaining commentary. Most home improvement stores will mix paints to match your desired colors so this isn’t that uncommon although that is not the context that I had my experience.

P) Cook

Answer: Incorrect. I not only sold popcorn at the movie theater but I also popped it. The pop-corn machine was right next to the cashier/ticket station and when we weren’t busy we were charged with doing both ticket sales and popcorn popping. I can see how someone might not think of popping popcorn as “cooking”, but I say it qualifies.

Points Awarded: CM – 5

CM – Admitting that its a stupid answer gets you some points here as I appreciate the humility (after trying unsuccessfully rationalize).

Q) Taste sexual lubricants

Answer: Incorrect. My primary career has been in consumer product development (R&D) and one of my jobs was to develop new, flavored, sexual lubricants. Specifically, I was tasked for creating a His & Hers strawberry and chocolate pairing. The only way to quickly assess the different flavors was to apply a small dab on my forearm and lick it off (much more representative then eating off a sampling spoon). What can I say. I’m dedicated to my work. I tasted A LOT of lubricant during that project. We ended up with a nice, juicy strawberry (more fresh and less sticky sweet vs. the typical products). The chocolate was much harder because the lubricant base formula was a bit sour and it was hard to cover the sourness with a chocolate flavor.

Points Awarded: GF – 10; CL – 10; CM – 10

GF – 10 points for entertaining commentary. GF made me feel thoroughly disgusting for doing my job. Haha.

CL – 10 points for entertaining commentary. Darn! I should have sued the company! Seriously though, these lubricants were all safety cleared and made of edible ingredients (this is not true of all lubricants so make sure to read the label).

CM – 10 points for entertaining commentary. I agree that this would be strange to find listed in the classifieds. I like that you considered that it might be worth it if the pay is good enough (it was).

R) Watch babies bathe

Answer: Incorrect. In addition to sexual lubricants I was responsible for the development of baby personal care products (wash, lotion, etc) and as part of the consumer research we would visit families homes and observe the bathing process. Observational research is one of the most effective ways to learn how a product works (or doesn’t work) in actual use.

Points Awarded: GF – 10; CM – 10

GF – 10 points for entertaining commentary. This time GF made me feel like I’m some type of pervert and should be put on a list. I chuckled at GF’s response. Just to clear the air though, we always did the observations in pairs (usually mixed sex pairs) and always with the parent doing the bathing.

CM – 10 points for entertaining commentary. I enjoyed your getting twisted up in the concept of the baby bathing themselves. It made me feel a little guilty in that perhaps I should have said “watch babies being bathed” to be more accurate. Anyway, 10 points!

S) Clean a movie-theatre

Answer: Correct. Strangely, although I worked at the movie theater I never had the usher/theater cleaner job. This was usually the first position when starting at the theater but I started from concessions and moved up to cashier/ticket sales avoiding the sticky work.

Points Awarded: No guesses/No points

T) Distribute newspapers

Answer: Incorrect. I was a paper boy for a little while during high school (before the movie theater job). I hated it because I had to collect the payments from the customers and they did not seem to be inclined to pay. So although I technically was being paid to deliver the newspaper I didn’t make much if any money from it.

Points Awarded: No guesses/No points

U) Lick/stamp envelopes

Answer: Incorrect. As a kid my mom sometimes brought me into her office to do some basic mailroom tasks. She worked as an editor at a magazine and they had promotional mailings and that kind of stuff.

Points Awarded: No guesses/No points

V) Mix rubber

Answer: Incorrect. This was another part of my professional career when I was developing adhesives for adhesive bandages. We were in the process of transitioning from natural to synthetic rubber adhesives and I ran a number of mixing trials.

Points Awarded: CL – 10

CL – 10 points for entertaining commentary. Excellent point regarding the safety. We wore protective respiratory masks whenever dealing with solvents.

W) Provide voice-over for a video

Answer: Incorrect. This was during my professional career while working in China. They wanted a native English speaker to provide the voice over. The hard part was that many of the words were actually Latin (scientific names for botanicals) and I didn’t know how to pronounce them either. That plus trying to time the voice-over with the original Chinese version made it very difficult.

Points Awarded: No guesses/No points

X) Baby-sit

Answer: Incorrect. I baby-sat a few times for the next door neighbors when I was in middle school.

Points Awarded: CM – 5 points

CM – 5 points for entertaining commentary. I’m not sure how not liking a job would eliminate it as an option (if it did, many of the others on this list would also be scratched), but appreciate the consideration that I shouldn’t suffer through an unpleasant job.

Y) Dig a ditch

Answer: Incorrect. My dad was an electrician and hired me once to dig a ditch to run underground lines. This was almost as painful and difficult as removing a tree stump. But it paid better if I remember correctly. I later found out that they have dedicated machines specifically to dig ditches and my dad was just throwing me a job to help me out. Thanks dad (I think).

Points Awarded: GF – 10

GF – 10 points for entertaining commentary. “Ew Gross” to quote her. I probably would have laughed out loud on this one if it hadn’t just come after the tasting lubricants and bathing baby commentary which had me feeling a bit self-conscious.

Z) Give a speech

Answer: Incorrect. As part of my professional career I’ve been tasked to provide several speeches at conferences and media events (e.g. for a new product launch). I’m not comfortable in front of the camera, but I’m glad for the experience.

Points Awarded: No guesses/No points.

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LOL Bonus Points Awarded: GF – 20 points CM – 20 points

GF – 20 points for making me chuckle multiple times while also making me feel disgusting and perverted. Bravo.

CM – 20 points for making me laugh out loud with your closing comment about (perhaps) crying in secret. I appreciate how emotional of a journey this can be.

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Points Summary & Winner

No Love for Fatties (GF) earned a total of 65 points (45 entertaining commentary + 20 LOL bonus)

MidLife Cat Lady (CL) earned a total of 35 points (35 entertaining commentary)

The Confusing Middle (CM) earned a total of 70 points (10 correct answer + 40 entertaining commentary + 20 LOL bonus)

That was a close competition and clearly it wasn’t an easy quiz!

Congratulations to the Winner: The Confusing Middle

(I’ll be in touch about the logistics of delivering your prize)

Thanks for all who participated in either playing or reading along!

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Be well,

Monty

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