Day 12

For appropriate context, you will want to first read yesterday’s post “Eleven Days Ago”. Now, onto Day 12.

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night screaming. I recall the dream vividly if not completely. There was a murderer in the house in the form of a small girl with a big blade of some sort. She threatened my family. At the dream’s climax, I’d somehow trapped her in the basement and was charging down the stairs with a bat crying out my scariest war cry. That war cry was my screaming.

This all occurred while I was sleeping on the sofa next to my wife’s hospital bed in the middle of the inpatient ward. I awoke mid-scream with my wife calling to me. In the aftermath, I heard lot’s of movement and scrambling outside the hospital room door. I imagined the nurses were trying to determine from what room the cry had come from. Seeking a male patient in pain. They never found me. I was too embarrassed to settle the mystery.

I’m not a dream interpreter. I can’t say why it was a little girl that was the threat to my family. But as I was screaming out my war cry it was fueled by a mix of fear and anger with a deep need to protect my love ones. While I’m no longer screaming audibly, I can confirm that that same emotional mix is still crying out within me. The emotional implosion is not logical. I know rationally that the worst never happened and that my wife is in very capable hands. That the surgery is major but not inherently dangerous. That while I write this they are probably sewing her back up and getting her ready to come to post-op. That her deep sleep is temporary. That I will be back at her side soon. Doing whatever I can to make her a little bit more comfortable. And beginning the long journey ahead of recovery. Together.

But…my figurative organs are all out of sorts. My heart hurts in a dark cloud of anxiety. My mind races to stamp down all the negative thoughts. My stomach is tied up in knots.

So what to do? Well, I’m writing. Writing to process all these emotions so that when she’s back I’ll be my best self and ready to help. To do whatever I need to do to protect my loved ones. And yes, if needed, I’m ready with my war cry.

Be well,

Monty

• Horizon
  Be well, Monty
• Wound Up
  Wound Up Amorphous thoughts twirling and whirling; rushing through widening gaps in my failing damn mind! Splashing forcefully against blade; Spinning my wheels and gearsContinue reading “Wound Up”
• Playful
  Be well, Monty
• Dragon in Flight
  Be well, Monty
• All of Me
  All of Me The beauty in God, as I am coming to understand Him, is that He is all knowing. That I don’t need toContinue reading “All of Me”
• Morning Concert
  It’s drizzling around me. I first noticed the patter upon the umbrella above. A little too heavy to be the mosquitos dancing. A little tooContinue reading “Morning Concert”
• The Day After Yesterday
  The Day After Yesterday The morning is cool. The air is a fresh floral green.The light is bright beyond the shade tree’s shadow. My mindContinue reading “The Day After Yesterday”
• Another Floral Pattern
  Be well, Monty
• Weave Too
  Be well, Monty
• Weave
  Be well, Monty
• Painted Flowers
  Painted Flowers I bought these flowers for my wife yesterday. An early nod to Mother’s Day. Since we are having guests over at the houseContinue reading “Painted Flowers”
• On Exhibit
  Be well, Monty
• A Little More Than a Drizzle
  The birds are insistent today. I don’t speak their language, but I get their point. It’s a brand new day and the wonder of thatContinue reading “A Little More Than a Drizzle”
• The Human
  The Human I saw the figure as I turned the corner —Cold, calloused, and oddly angled; Creepy. Nightmarish. A Human. It smelt something awful. MustContinue reading “The Human”
• Strangers
  Be well, Monty
• Another Garden Dawdler
  It’s time for Rory’s Garden Dawdler again — nine questions posed once a week for our answering pleasure. Back in my garden and impressed withContinue reading “Another Garden Dawdler”
• Figures
  Be well, Monty
• Willing and Able
  Willing and AbleHe is willing, am I?Am I willing to let go, let God?To plant my seeds of doubtAnd trust faith will flourish? He isContinue reading “Willing and Able”
• An Exercise III
  Be well, Monty
• An Exercise II
  Be well, Monty
• Under the Pi Pa Tree
  I’m sitting under the pi pa tree observing hundreds of yet to ripen fruits. I wonder what pi pa jam tastes like? It was justContinue reading “Under the Pi Pa Tree”
• An Exercise
  Be well, Monty
• Morning Ride
  Morning Ride Her arms wrapped around me,Wanting more, I sped up;She held on tighter;I smiled into the rushing wind,Wishing I could go faster. Mrs. MontyContinue reading “Morning Ride”
• An Old Sketch
  An Old Sketch What’s this?A tree yet to be.Or, If roasted,A fragrant snack. Be well, Monty
• This Morning
  This Morning Dancing greensDroplets of pinksSet against a canvasOf subtle blue shades Be well, Monty
• Upon Every Sunrise
  Upon Every Sunrise Sitting in the corner, quietly observingThe life of the party, I scroll throughMental images of those we’ve buried;Memories aged, blurred byTears, saltyContinue reading “Upon Every Sunrise”
• Sunlight Through Stained Glass
  Be well, Monty
• Selection of Florals
  Be well, Monty
• My 2nd A to Z Challenge Reflection (#AtoZ)
  This was my second year doing the A to Z challenge and I’m two for two in terms of completion rate. This year’s theme wasContinue reading “My 2nd A to Z Challenge Reflection (#AtoZ)”
• My First A to Z Challenge Anniversary: Now We’ve Gone From A to Z…
  On this anniversary of my first A to Z challenge, I’m posting each of the illustrated “seriously silly poems” from my book Apples Eating ZebrasContinue reading “My First A to Z Challenge Anniversary: Now We’ve Gone From A to Z…”
• Z is for Zoomorphism
  Zoomorphism is a literary technique in which animal attributes are imposed upon non-animal objects, humans, and events. literarydevices.net Well look at that. We’ve come allContinue reading “Z is for Zoomorphism”