Slipping Out of My Mind

This is not a poem. These are my words slipping out of my mind onto the page. Escaping the cage of needing to mean something and running to freedom. There is no backtracking. The chase is on. A big cat in pursuit.

I was a jaguar. High. Fast. Invincible. Until I awoke torn. Face against fence. Morning light blossoming behind my eyes like throwing stars piercing the membrane of my brain and questioning my decisions.

Was I curious or just desperate for feeling?

Fueled by addiction I overcame my shyness. I went to strange places with strangers and did strange things. A nut in a shell. Cracked open and discovered rotten from the inside. Bitter and off. Spit out upon the floor with others. Spittle and shells.

Hiding behind pen name yet I still cant bring myself to fully confess.

The avocado never ripened. All its creamy promise unrealized. Hard and tasteless. Disappointment. That’s me. Am I an unripe-able avocado? No. Just a common disappointment. No analogy necessary.

I’m a hack. Hiding unskillfulness behind poetic license. Smudging lines and blurring mistakes in the name of art. No one will see through me if nobody sees me.

I feel need. Deep need. Why do I feel so empty? Am I so vacuous that I need to fill myself with others? Why am I not enough?

There is no way to end something that has no beginning. Yet I end. Here. Now.

Or is there more? I listen to pop music and my head starts to bob off beat (or is it offbeat?). Thinking of karaoke blunders and laughter. Cries of victory in a French restaurant. So “murican”. Good times.

The dog seems to like me. Is he a bad judge of character or does he see my potential?

Ice coffee now in hand I think of old drinks of comfort. Hot cocoa with my mom. Special occasions brought out the whipped cream. Warm memories.

Coffee is done. All to soon. Time to move on.

Be well,

Monty

• A Return to Patterns
  Be well, Monty
• Quiet
  He’s been quiet lately. The voice in my head. The voice that is, quite frankly, a bit nuts. Often compelling me toward darkness. Vacillating betweenContinue reading “Quiet”
• Today
  Today’s a gorgeous weather day. Cool with a light breeze. Bright and sunny aside from my spot in the shade of the tree above me.Continue reading “Today”
• Shine On
  Shine on, shine on, shine on meShine your light on meLight me up, cast away my doubtsLift me out of these shadowsI’m ready, I’m ready,Continue reading “Shine On”
• Here I Go Again
  Here I go again. Interrupting this negative space with some generic typeface. No particular intentions. Just wanna release built-up tensions. It’s coming out in dripsContinue reading “Here I Go Again”
• A Test of the Heart
  I’m wearing a Holter heart monitor today and I can’t help but wonder if it can see past the irregular beats and witness how whollyContinue reading “A Test of the Heart”
• An Observation and a Query
  A fly walks by. S t r e t c h i n g Its legs, I guess? Be well, Monty
• A Gentle Drizzle Sets the Scene
  A gentle drizzle sets the scene;The last of the season’s persimmons hang-on,Half-concealed behind leaves shimmering underA quiet concert of pitter-patter percussion. In quick succession aContinue reading “A Gentle Drizzle Sets the Scene”
• The Birds
  The birds are watching me from the wire above. What are they thinking? Do they see my sadness?Or are they too busy balancing in theContinue reading “The Birds”
• Mired in Mud
  Mired in mud.I don’t like this feeling, but I appreciate the alliteration. Mired in mud, mud, mud.Stuck in repetition. Mired,So tired — In mudOf sinsContinue reading “Mired in Mud”
• Let Me Be (Note to Self)
  Let me be angry. Without good reason.Let me be lonelyEven if not alone.Let me be sadJust because I am.Please, Let me be. Be well, Monty
• Morning Cocktail
  Morning Cocktail 3 parts Zoloft 1 part AbilifyMix meditatively and pray for help with my unbeliefDilute to taste and swallow (along with my pride)Assume PeacefulContinue reading “Morning Cocktail”
• Rhyming Inventories
  A Rhyming Inventory of Things I’ve Not Been Doing Because They Would Make Me Feel Better (and I Don’t Deserve To)1. Prayer or meditation2. TakeContinue reading “Rhyming Inventories”
• Poetic License
  I applied for my poetic license today;It was rejected due to a grammatical error.Oh, The irony. Be well, Monty
• REDACTED
  ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ Be well, Monty
• This Morning’s Song
  Coffee. Bold. Fragrantly steaming — the weather’s turned cold. Expresso doubled again and again.I opened my day’s calendar — it appears never ending. Patience isContinue reading “This Morning’s Song”
• Unashamed
  Naked. Clothed only by my sins. Jealousy wrapped around my neck. Sloth draped over my shoulders. Lust sagging around my ankles. Here I am. SeeContinue reading “Unashamed”
• Cold & Salty
  I shivered through the night. We still have the summer cool bamboo mat on the bed and the light blanket wasn’t enough to hold inContinue reading “Cold & Salty”
• Free Write
  It’s been awhile since I just wrote freely. Free to say anything or nothing. No prompts or forms or intentions. I’m sitting in the garden,Continue reading “Free Write”
• The Anna: Hush
  This poem is my final contribution to the poetic ‘scavenger hunt’ designed by @murisopsis from A Different Perspective. This time the theme is Names, asContinue reading “The Anna: Hush”
• Jay’s Way: For the Birds
  This poem is a part of the poetic ‘scavenger hunt’ designed by @murisopsis from A Different Perspective. This time the theme is Names, as inContinue reading “Jay’s Way: For the Birds”
• Joseph’s Star: A Love Story
  This poem is a part of the poetic ‘scavenger hunt’ designed by @murisopsis from A Different Perspective. This time the theme is Names, as inContinue reading “Joseph’s Star: A Love Story”
• Golda: Woof!
  This poem is a part of the poetic ‘scavenger hunt’ designed by @murisopsis from A Different Perspective. This time the theme is Names, as inContinue reading “Golda: Woof!”
• Bryant: Polluted Waters
  This poem is a part of the poetic ‘scavenger hunt’ designed by @murisopsis from A Different Perspective. This time the theme is Names, as inContinue reading “Bryant: Polluted Waters”
• Coraline: 汕头 （Shantou）
  This poem is a part of the poetic ‘scavenger hunt’ designed by @murisopsis from A Different Perspective. This time the theme is Names, as inContinue reading “Coraline: 汕头 （Shantou）”
• Daisy Chain: Seeds of an Idea…
  This poem is a part of the poetic ‘scavenger hunt’ designed by @murisopsis from A Different Perspective. This time the theme is Names, as inContinue reading “Daisy Chain: Seeds of an Idea…”
• Emmett: Code Red
  This poem is a part of the poetic ‘scavenger hunt’ designed by @murisopsis from A Different Perspective. This time the theme is Names, as inContinue reading “Emmett: Code Red”
• Off-Broadway (a Paint Chip Poem)
  No Love For Fatties invites us to join in on her Paint Chip Poetry by creating our own poem inspired by the paint chip colorsContinue reading “Off-Broadway (a Paint Chip Poem)”
• Laurette: A Garden Query
  This poem is a part of the poetic ‘scavenger hunt’ designed by @murisopsis from A Different Perspective. This time the theme is Names, as inContinue reading “Laurette: A Garden Query”
• More Thoughts from My Journal
  Saturday has arrived. It’s Mid-Autumn Festival or “moon-cake” holiday here. I slept through the moon’s rise and fall last night, but I’ve seen some beautifulContinue reading “More Thoughts from My Journal”
• Marianne: Viola’s Light
  This poem is a part of the poetic ‘scavenger hunt’ designed by @murisopsis from A Different Perspective. This time the theme is Names, as inContinue reading “Marianne: Viola’s Light”