Slipping Out of My Mind

This is not a poem. These are my words slipping out of my mind onto the page. Escaping the cage of needing to mean something and running to freedom. There is no backtracking. The chase is on. A big cat in pursuit.

I was a jaguar. High. Fast. Invincible. Until I awoke torn. Face against fence. Morning light blossoming behind my eyes like throwing stars piercing the membrane of my brain and questioning my decisions.

Was I curious or just desperate for feeling?

Fueled by addiction I overcame my shyness. I went to strange places with strangers and did strange things. A nut in a shell. Cracked open and discovered rotten from the inside. Bitter and off. Spit out upon the floor with others. Spittle and shells.

Hiding behind pen name yet I still cant bring myself to fully confess.

The avocado never ripened. All its creamy promise unrealized. Hard and tasteless. Disappointment. That’s me. Am I an unripe-able avocado? No. Just a common disappointment. No analogy necessary.

I’m a hack. Hiding unskillfulness behind poetic license. Smudging lines and blurring mistakes in the name of art. No one will see through me if nobody sees me.

I feel need. Deep need. Why do I feel so empty? Am I so vacuous that I need to fill myself with others? Why am I not enough?

There is no way to end something that has no beginning. Yet I end. Here. Now.

Or is there more? I listen to pop music and my head starts to bob off beat (or is it offbeat?). Thinking of karaoke blunders and laughter. Cries of victory in a French restaurant. So “murican”. Good times.

The dog seems to like me. Is he a bad judge of character or does he see my potential?

Ice coffee now in hand I think of old drinks of comfort. Hot cocoa with my mom. Special occasions brought out the whipped cream. Warm memories.

Coffee is done. All to soon. Time to move on.

Be well,

Monty

• Patterns in the Round
  Be well, Monty
• The Wanna-Believer
  Today I pray for the first time,As a wanna-believer,For a taste of life’s colorful palette;To feel your love, your acceptance;To accept that I’m worthy ofContinue reading “The Wanna-Believer”
• The Heretic (an essay of sorts)
  For the most part, I don’t give a shit about results anymore. I know, I’m a heretic. Especially at work where the mantra is all’sContinue reading “The Heretic (an essay of sorts)”
• Sweet or Savory?
  I always thought I was sweet, but lately I’m wondering if I’m more savory. We are ultimately all complex in temperament and taste so notContinue reading “Sweet or Savory?”
• Playing with Tea Time
  I’m playing. At times I may call myself an author, a poet, an illustrator, or other such titles, but at my essence I’m a childContinue reading “Playing with Tea Time”
• Running Free (a Paint Chip Poem)
  No Love For Fatties invites us to join in on her Paint Chip Poetry by creating our own poem inspired by the paint chip colorsContinue reading “Running Free (a Paint Chip Poem)”
• 我爱你 （I Love You）
  This is a culmination of my recent work exploring the use of Chinese characters and exploring “found patterns”. 我爱你，meaning “I love you” and pronounced “woContinue reading “我爱你 （I Love You）”
• Abundance of Love （爱）
  These images were created by writing in script the Chinese character “爱” (pronounced “ai”, meaning love) and repeating/overlapping in various configurations. This is a follow-upContinue reading “Abundance of Love （爱）”
• 我 Found Pattern
  This image was created by writing in script the Chinese character “我” (meaning “I”) and rotating it in four directions, repeated four times. Those ofContinue reading “我 Found Pattern”
• Awaiting
  6:06 am MondayI’ve been up for sixty-six minutes. The air conditioning unit is already working hard. Downstairs the TV is blaring. I snuck down toContinue reading “Awaiting”
• Dancing with Fans
  Be well, Monty
• Another Time
  10:57am Sunday morning. I was supposed to speak to my brother today but he was a no show. I wrote him a poem a weekContinue reading “Another Time”
• Winter’s Scenes
  Be well, Monty
• Turned On
  3:32amSitting in the broken darknessTyping by the glare of a screen that’s well past its bed time, turned onBy my restless mind and compliant touchUsuallyContinue reading “Turned On”
• More Found Patterns
  Be well, Monty
• Hand Work
  Be well, Monty
• Slipping Out of My Mind
  This is not a poem. These are my words slipping out of my mind onto the page. Escaping the cage of needing to mean somethingContinue reading “Slipping Out of My Mind”
• Found Patterns
  Be well, Monty
• Found Patterns
  Be well, Monty
• Cherished (a Paint Chip Poem)
  No Love For Fatties invites us to join in on her Paint Chip Poetry by creating our own poem inspired by the paint chip colorsContinue reading “Cherished (a Paint Chip Poem)”
• Perhaps
  Perhaps I am a yellowed and creased paper with a bold headline announcing a Monday from yesteryear’s breaking news. Perhaps I am a spider, crushedContinue reading “Perhaps”
• Figuratively
  Be well, Monty
• “Re-Souled”
  He spoke of a soft heart;Of kindness and acceptance;Supple from hard use,Like a pair of well-worn boots;More than once “re-souled”. His face familiar,This man, aContinue reading ““Re-Souled””
• “Re-Souled”
  He spoke of a soft heart;Of kindness and acceptance;Supple from hard use,Like a pair of well-worn boots;More than once “re-souled”. His face familiar,This man, aContinue reading ““Re-Souled””
• Art at Play
  Be well, Monty
• Within the Walls
  I slept within the wallsSqueezed between the heavy plasterSmothered by insulation andTangled in wires A kick of my healBreaks through into yellowed lightExposing studs fromContinue reading “Within the Walls”
• Working at Art
  Be well, Monty
• Moody Waters (a Paint Chip Poem)
  No Love For Fatties invites us to join in on her Paint Chip Poetry by creating our own poem inspired by the paint chip colorsContinue reading “Moody Waters (a Paint Chip Poem)”
• Warning Label
  Just me pondering “what if?” What if I came with a warning label?Fine print of legalese oversharing about the unwanted side effects that you riskContinue reading “Warning Label”
• Sweets (a Paint Chip Poem)
  No Love For Fatties invites us to join in on her Paint Chip Poetry by creating our own poem inspired by the paint chip colorsContinue reading “Sweets (a Paint Chip Poem)”
• Lady in Wood
  Be well, Monty