Another Time


10:57am Sunday morning.
I was supposed to speak to my brother today but he was a no show. I wrote him a poem a week or so ago which I sent and he acknowledged receipt. I miss him.

I’ve been drawing most of the morning. Playing with my winter scenes. Attempting a handful of peanuts. I joked to myself that I shouldn’t eat my models, but I do. I miss laughter.

My daughter called me. We spoke of many things. What her grandmother would appreciate as a gift when she visits this week. How to draw to proportion. I miss her.

I tried drawing a man using a grid to get him right per my daughters advice. Sometimes it takes a bit of grunt work to get the details right before creativity can flourish. I’ve not had the energy to put in the work lately (yet I do). I miss feeling alive.

My mom is in pain. Injured to her soul by the loss of her lover. She writes to me in the middle of her night and I feel it in my bones. I miss you, mom.

I drew my own hands yesterday. Left holding a mug of a spilling iced coffee. Right holding a pen drawing that spill. I impressed myself. I wanted to show my son. I sent him a message but no response. I miss his embrace.

My wife is in the other room. She is worried about the growing tensions between our birth nations. She’s decided not to put in the tatami area in our house (a dream of mine) as she’s not sure we’ll be able to stay to enjoy it. She is here. Yet, I miss her.

I wasn’t sure what I was going to write about when I opened up my pad. I didn’t know I would be doing an inventory of a lonely man. I’m not surprised. I know I’m lonely. But I didn’t intend for it. I miss feeling whole.

I miss these and many more. But what a precious life I have to miss these wonderful things. What a nice turn here at the end. To feel grateful. It was unplanned I promise you. I didn’t feel it moments ago. But I thought how should I end this poem and it came naturally. The pattern tells me I should say I miss something now, but I guess I’ll miss this last one (or perhaps not).


Be well,

Monty


  • Under the Earth’s Shadow
    I lay awake under the earth’s shadowGentle breathing curled at my feetA companion in this darknessHolding guard against The cold reality and coming lightFor I’mContinue reading “Under the Earth’s Shadow”
  • Blue Heron
    Be well, Monty
  • Endure Me
    Endure meEndure my cold feet under the sheetsEndure my rough breaths sawing through the night’s airMy tossing and turningMy hogging all the blanketsMy nightmare kicksMyContinue reading “Endure Me”
  • Departing
    Be well, Monty
  • Scenes from Today
    These are untouched photographs from today’s walk on Bainbridge Island, Washington (just applied a simple frame). Be well, Monty
  • Perched in the Moonlight
    Be well, Monty
  • Playing with Time
    Be well, Monty
  • How Did I Get to This Beautiful Place?
    Be well, Monty
  • Birds in Flight
    Be well, Monty
  • Rising Sun
    Be well, Monty
  • Forest Moon
    Be well, Monty
  • Blessed
    Be well, Monty
  • Snowy Scene
    Happy snow day! Be well, Monty
  • Peek-a-Boo
    Poking my head up after a spontaneous hiatus. I hope you are all well – happy and healthy. I’m on holiday visiting my mom inContinue reading “Peek-a-Boo”
  • A Return to Patterns
    Be well, Monty
  • Quiet
    He’s been quiet lately. The voice in my head. The voice that is, quite frankly, a bit nuts. Often compelling me toward darkness. Vacillating betweenContinue reading “Quiet”
  • Today
    Today’s a gorgeous weather day. Cool with a light breeze. Bright and sunny aside from my spot in the shade of the tree above me.Continue reading “Today”
  • Shine On
    Shine on, shine on, shine on meShine your light on meLight me up, cast away my doubtsLift me out of these shadowsI’m ready, I’m ready,Continue reading “Shine On”
  • Here I Go Again
    Here I go again. Interrupting this negative space with some generic typeface. No particular intentions. Just wanna release built-up tensions. It’s coming out in dripsContinue reading “Here I Go Again”
  • A Test of the Heart
    I’m wearing a Holter heart monitor today and I can’t help but wonder if it can see past the irregular beats and witness how whollyContinue reading “A Test of the Heart”
  • An Observation and a Query
    A fly walks by. S t r e t c h i n g Its legs, I guess? Be well, Monty
  • A Gentle Drizzle Sets the Scene
    A gentle drizzle sets the scene;The last of the season’s persimmons hang-on,Half-concealed behind leaves shimmering underA quiet concert of pitter-patter percussion. In quick succession aContinue reading “A Gentle Drizzle Sets the Scene”
  • The Birds
    The birds are watching me from the wire above. What are they thinking? Do they see my sadness?Or are they too busy balancing in theContinue reading “The Birds”
  • Mired in Mud
    Mired in mud.I don’t like this feeling, but I appreciate the alliteration. Mired in mud, mud, mud.Stuck in repetition. Mired,So tired — In mudOf sinsContinue reading “Mired in Mud”
  • Let Me Be (Note to Self)
    Let me be angry. Without good reason.Let me be lonelyEven if not alone.Let me be sadJust because I am.Please, Let me be. Be well, Monty
  • Morning Cocktail
    Morning Cocktail 3 parts Zoloft 1 part AbilifyMix meditatively and pray for help with my unbeliefDilute to taste and swallow (along with my pride)Assume PeacefulContinue reading “Morning Cocktail”
  • Rhyming Inventories
    A Rhyming Inventory of Things I’ve Not Been Doing Because They Would Make Me Feel Better (and I Don’t Deserve To)1. Prayer or meditation2. TakeContinue reading “Rhyming Inventories”
  • Poetic License
    I applied for my poetic license today;It was rejected due to a grammatical error.Oh, The irony. Be well, Monty
  • REDACTED
    ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ Be well, Monty
  • This Morning’s Song
    Coffee. Bold. Fragrantly steaming — the weather’s turned cold. Expresso doubled again and again.I opened my day’s calendar — it appears never ending. Patience isContinue reading “This Morning’s Song”
  • Unashamed
    Naked. Clothed only by my sins. Jealousy wrapped around my neck. Sloth draped over my shoulders. Lust sagging around my ankles. Here I am. SeeContinue reading “Unashamed”

8 Comments

  1. murisopsis says:

    The feeling of being distanced can be difficult on both ends. I hope your daughter’s visit is a good one and that you get the hug you need… I’m grateful that you ended this on a positive note. There is always hope!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Monty Vern says:

      My daughter will be visiting her grandmother…so no physical hugs for me, but it was nice to have the chat with her today.

      Like

  2. gigglingfattie says:

    Oh wow, I’m sorry you are feeling all of this! I hope it gets better Monty

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Monty Vern says:

      Just writing it down makes it better. Thank you.

      Like

      1. gigglingfattie says:

        Thats good!

        Like

  3. Kathleen says:

    The reader misses you too. And is grateful to read this lovely lyric

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sometimes I’ll pass a house with a rocker on the front porch and be suddenly homesick, even though I didn’t grow up with a house with a front porch, much less a rocker. Missing I-don’t-know-what. I think as humans we all have an essential loneliness too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Monty Vern says:

      Oh, the house with a rocker has always been my idealized vision of “home” and if two rockers “love”. Thanks for sharing!

      Like

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