Awaiting

6:06 am Monday
I’ve been up for sixty-six minutes. The air conditioning unit is already working hard. Downstairs the TV is blaring. I snuck down to get my morning coffee, but the dog caught me and I gave him some rubs.

I’ve got three quarters of an hour between now and when I need to leave for the work day. Enough time to start but not finish writing whatever this will turn out to be. I could have chosen to meditate or, if I really wanted to stretch myself, do a short yoga routine (it’s been ages since I’ve done so), but I choose to write. Writing brings me comfort these days.

Last night we had a full house. My nephew’s birthday and a big family affair. Still young, and an only child, it was the adults that were being boisterous while he played quietly. Until it came time to sing the birthday song and make a wish. His face lit up and he thought very hard. I don’t know what he wished for, but I wish for it too.

Yesterday, my daughter called. Her grandma, hearing her voice, rushed over slowly to say hello. Standing shakily she took the phone and sent kisses. Her lip prints are still on the screen. So cute.

I’m heading to Suzhou this morning. It’s a neighboring city to Shanghai where I live and I used to go often. It’s been half a year since my last visit due to Covid restrictions. I’m not sure I even remember the driving route. I feel anxious despite making the trip dozens of times before. Something about the distance of time that makes familiar things feel uncomfortably new again. It’s not about the drive, but about meeting the people on the other side. I get anxious around people although my work colleagues would probably never guess. I fake it good (I suppose grammar would suggest I say “well” here, but I like the sound of this just the way it is).

6:36am and a half hour has passed just like that. I should get dressed soon. Not just a nice shirt today but actual pants. The downside of having to go to the office. I’m still not sure exactly what this piece is about. I guess it doesn’t need to be about anything. I already said that I wouldn’t have time to finish, so I don’t even need to come up with an ending. Unintentionally good planning on my part.

Be well,

Monty

• Under the Earth’s Shadow
  I lay awake under the earth’s shadowGentle breathing curled at my feetA companion in this darknessHolding guard against The cold reality and coming lightFor I’mContinue reading “Under the Earth’s Shadow”
• Blue Heron
  Be well, Monty
• Endure Me
  Endure meEndure my cold feet under the sheetsEndure my rough breaths sawing through the night’s airMy tossing and turningMy hogging all the blanketsMy nightmare kicksMyContinue reading “Endure Me”
• Departing
  Be well, Monty
• Scenes from Today
  These are untouched photographs from today’s walk on Bainbridge Island, Washington (just applied a simple frame). Be well, Monty
• Perched in the Moonlight
  Be well, Monty
• Playing with Time
  Be well, Monty
• How Did I Get to This Beautiful Place?
  Be well, Monty
• Birds in Flight
  Be well, Monty
• Rising Sun
  Be well, Monty
• Forest Moon
  Be well, Monty
• Blessed
  Be well, Monty
• Snowy Scene
  Happy snow day! Be well, Monty
• Peek-a-Boo
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• A Return to Patterns
  Be well, Monty
• Quiet
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• Today
  Today’s a gorgeous weather day. Cool with a light breeze. Bright and sunny aside from my spot in the shade of the tree above me.Continue reading “Today”
• Shine On
  Shine on, shine on, shine on meShine your light on meLight me up, cast away my doubtsLift me out of these shadowsI’m ready, I’m ready,Continue reading “Shine On”
• Here I Go Again
  Here I go again. Interrupting this negative space with some generic typeface. No particular intentions. Just wanna release built-up tensions. It’s coming out in dripsContinue reading “Here I Go Again”
• A Test of the Heart
  I’m wearing a Holter heart monitor today and I can’t help but wonder if it can see past the irregular beats and witness how whollyContinue reading “A Test of the Heart”
• An Observation and a Query
  A fly walks by. S t r e t c h i n g Its legs, I guess? Be well, Monty
• A Gentle Drizzle Sets the Scene
  A gentle drizzle sets the scene;The last of the season’s persimmons hang-on,Half-concealed behind leaves shimmering underA quiet concert of pitter-patter percussion. In quick succession aContinue reading “A Gentle Drizzle Sets the Scene”
• The Birds
  The birds are watching me from the wire above. What are they thinking? Do they see my sadness?Or are they too busy balancing in theContinue reading “The Birds”
• Mired in Mud
  Mired in mud.I don’t like this feeling, but I appreciate the alliteration. Mired in mud, mud, mud.Stuck in repetition. Mired,So tired — In mudOf sinsContinue reading “Mired in Mud”
• Let Me Be (Note to Self)
  Let me be angry. Without good reason.Let me be lonelyEven if not alone.Let me be sadJust because I am.Please, Let me be. Be well, Monty
• Morning Cocktail
  Morning Cocktail 3 parts Zoloft 1 part AbilifyMix meditatively and pray for help with my unbeliefDilute to taste and swallow (along with my pride)Assume PeacefulContinue reading “Morning Cocktail”
• Rhyming Inventories
  A Rhyming Inventory of Things I’ve Not Been Doing Because They Would Make Me Feel Better (and I Don’t Deserve To)1. Prayer or meditation2. TakeContinue reading “Rhyming Inventories”
• Poetic License
  I applied for my poetic license today;It was rejected due to a grammatical error.Oh, The irony. Be well, Monty
• REDACTED
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• This Morning’s Song
  Coffee. Bold. Fragrantly steaming — the weather’s turned cold. Expresso doubled again and again.I opened my day’s calendar — it appears never ending. Patience isContinue reading “This Morning’s Song”
• Unashamed
  Naked. Clothed only by my sins. Jealousy wrapped around my neck. Sloth draped over my shoulders. Lust sagging around my ankles. Here I am. SeeContinue reading “Unashamed”