Let Me Be (Note to Self)



Let me be angry.
Without good reason.
Let me be lonely
Even if not alone.
Let me be sad
Just because I am.
Please,
Let me be.

Be well,

Monty


Morning Cocktail


Morning Cocktail

3 parts Zoloft
1 part Abilify
Mix meditatively and pray for help with my unbelief
Dilute to taste and swallow (along with my pride)
Assume Peaceful Warrior position
Accept the things I cannot change
Open my heart to receive YOU’RE help
Add one mug of dark bold coffee, black
“WE’VE got this!”


Be well,

Monty


Rhyming Inventories


A Rhyming Inventory of Things I’ve Not Been Doing Because They Would Make Me Feel Better (and I Don’t Deserve To)

1. Prayer or meditation
2. Take my medication
3. Yoga stretches (or any type of physical elongation)
4. Therapeutic conversation
5. Writing, drawing (i.e., artistic expression)

A Rhyming Inventory of Things I’ve Done Today to Feel Better (Despite I Still Don’t Feel I Deserve To)

1. Prayerful meditation
2. Took my medication
3. Walked around the block (a type of physical elongation)
4. Had a therapeutic conversation
5. This writing (a bit of artistic expression)


Be well,

Monty


Poetic License


I applied for my poetic license today;
It was rejected due to a grammatical error.
Oh,
The irony.


Be well,

Monty


REDACTED


⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️

⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️

Be well,

Monty


This Morning’s Song


Coffee. Bold.
Fragrantly steaming — the weather’s turned cold.

Expresso doubled again and again.
I opened my day’s calendar — it appears never ending.

Patience is short.
Went to sleep hungry — I just want to abort.

But I’ve got my rhyme on
My mind is igniting – I’m rediscovering song.

Some say this word play is outdated and old
Only prose poetry is true art – I’ve been told.

But listen to the underlying tune
Feel the rhythm and the mood – You and I’ll be dancing soon.

Coffee. Bold. No longer cold.
Doubled again and again, the beats never ending
Patience is overrated. I’ll never be sated.
Rhyme on! Oh! My minds got it ALL going on.
This never gets old, no matter what I’m told.
Listen to this tune and we’ll be dancing soon.

Come-on! Come-on! Put your dancing shoes on.
Let’s dance, dance, dance to this morning’s song!


Be well,

Monty


Unashamed


Naked. Clothed only by my sins. Jealousy wrapped around my neck. Sloth draped over my shoulders. Lust sagging around my ankles. Here I am. See me. Human. Unashamed.

Unmasked. Hiding no longer. The apple was juicy and I will not add to my lies to say I didn’t enjoy its sweetness. I’m not Adam. I will not blame Eve nor the serpent. I would have taken a bite on my own. Others can teach but I needed to learn.

Don’t mistake this shamelessness for pride. My sins are ugly and not to be celebrated. But I’m not denying or hiding the reality of my humanity anymore. I’m coming to terms and owning up. There is no self forgiveness, but if I ask I might be forgiven.


Be well,

Monty


Cold & Salty

I shivered through the night. We still have the summer cool bamboo mat on the bed and the light blanket wasn’t enough to hold in any body heat. But I’m pretty sure if we change everything over to fall/winter the weather will turn back to summer. And I’m enjoying the cooler weather so I don’t want to tempt fate.

I’m feeling a bit salty as today is the last day of the week long holiday and I have a seven-day work week ahead. Whoever came up with this practice of making us work on the weekends before and after a holiday are truly asses. We’ve missed so many holidays due to Covid lockdowns and quarantines these past years you would think they would be willing to gift us a day here and there and let us enjoy the weekend. I’m pretty sure productivity would be better if they did. But logic and compassion are not strong enough forces to combat the corporate machinery at work.

I’ve been on a medically advised diet these past six weeks or so. That may explain a little of my saltiness too. I’ve lost 10Kg (22 pounds) so I’m doing well with it, but “hangry” is a real emotion and I’m easily “annoyed” if not all out pissed off at times.

I took a “treat/cheat” day from my diet on Wednesday. I’d earned it. I captured photographic evidence so that I can indulge in the memories over the next few weeks when I’ll be keeping to good behavior. I’ve still got another 10Kg to go to get my BMI in “normal” range. It’s doable. I’ll do it. I’m looking forward to rediscovering my “lost wardrobe”. Just beware there may be some more salty days ahead.

The Cheat Burger
The Cheater
Cheat Day Intermission
The Cheat Fish Tacos


Be well,

Monty


Free Write


It’s been awhile since I just wrote freely. Free to say anything or nothing. No prompts or forms or intentions.

I’m sitting in the garden, but the weather has changed. It turned from high-summer to mid-autumn directly here overnight, but autumn is my favorite season so no complaints from me. I love the brisk air. There isn’t really a “leaf-season” here, but I can’t help recall the vibrant colors of falling leaves from my childhood home in Vermont. I didn’t always appreciate living in a rural environment. It felt lonely at times. But I always loved listening to the crunch of the colorful leafy mural underfoot while walking along the paths. Such beauty this world has to offer. And then there were those first freezing nights that would provide thinly frozen-over puddles to crackle beneath my soles. Ah. Comfort food for the ears.

In Shanghai, the sounds of the city are ever present. Even in the relative suburban area where I live, there is the cars passing by just on the other side of the garden wall. The train in the background. The planes overhead. They often fade beyond my direct awareness, but my phone reminds me that the ambient noise levels are “high”. And when I do get the chance to escape into nature…the quiet is absolutely delightful.

I first came to Shanghai in 1996 via Japan. I met my wife-to-be in Japan six months earlier and chased her home to Shanghai. I was a foolish 22-year old boy. Now I’m a foolish 49-year old. But even fools sometimes make good decisions. In 1996, Shanghai was a booming construction zone. If you left the windows open for any length of time you would have a centimeter of construction dust on the window sill. Having grown up in Vermont and gone to college in upstate NY it was quite a shock to my not-quite virgin lungs (I did experiment a bit during high-school so I can’t claim to have pristine lungs, but they certainly weren’t ready for such an onslaught). I remember landing in Shanghai and feeling like I’d travelled into a parallel universe where everything was more modern then anything I’d ever known but in a dystopian cloud of dust. Mostly I just felt foreign. And I wasn’t sure the air in on this part of the planet would sustain my type of life form. I’m grateful that the air quality has dramatically improved these last several years, but I can’t say I feel any less foreign here. It’s not a bad feeling, but its pervasive and always there in the background. Kinda like the sounds of the city.

The pace of change and modern conveniences of Shanghai are intoxicating. Forgot garlic for the dish your cooking? There is an app for that – fresh garlic will be at your door within half an hour. They are building metros faster then the US builds roads. Shanghai already has the longest metro system in the world. They just announced a new line extension with a stop not more then 15-minutes walk from my house which will completely transform the area. It will be done in a couple of years. Adding to the background sounds of my garden, I guess.

Ever been to Shanghai? Never? Share your experiences. Share your questions. Let’s chat.


Be well,

Monty


Off-Broadway (a Paint Chip Poem)

No Love For Fatties invites us to join in on her Paint Chip Poetry by creating our own poem inspired by the paint chip colors of the week. I think this is a really creative and fun idea. Check out her original post and join in too if you feel inspired.

Paint Chip Poetry


Be well,

Monty