Category Archives: personal blog

Enter the Dragon

It’s the eve of a new year, a year of the dragon. The cycle repeats every 12 years. Where were we 12 years ago? The last dragon year. I recall it being the year just before I moved back to China. My job was disappeared on one day and the next day they offered me another…in China. It was an offer I couldn’t refuse. Literally. It’s not that I didn’t want to move back to Shanghai. But, with my daughter in the middle of high school, it didn’t feel like the optimum time to pick the whole family up and move halfway around the world. It turned out to be a great time. My daughter successfully navigated the transition, finished high school in Shanghai and then went off to college. Today she is in the final stretch of a PhD degree. Not bad. Not bad. Our son also managed the transition well. He stayed in touch with all of his US friends by playing co-op games on the X-box and slowly built his own network of local friends, started and finished high school and went off to college. He’s now in the final months of his undergraduate program and thinking of going to law school next. Not bad. Not bad.

My wife and I have now fully settled in Shanghai. We even applied for and successfully received permanent residency status. Our home is comfortable – a rare villa in the suburbs that is quickly becoming urban. A metro is being built to join us to the city network and should be up and running in the next couple of years. My job is reasonably stable and gives me the flexibility to continue with my writing and other interests. Not bad. Not bad.

I’m not sure if this year will bring another big transition. A decision that seems hard. But if it does I think I can take it in stride. Things seem to turn out not bad. Not bad.

May you all be blessed with peace of heart and mind. Happy Dragon Year!

新年快乐！

Be well,

Monty

The Catalyst

I read my latest book, Seeking the Light, from front to back today. I admit I’m quite proud of the work. Some of the pieces feel as if they were written by another, more capable, poet. I did discover a number of typos, overuse of the word ‘perhaps’ and some formatting glitches, but on the whole it’s my best work yet.

I’ve not been productive writing lately, so it was exciting as I read along to feel the itch. My own writing acting like a catalyst, sparking a glimpse of inspiration (or at least intention). I’ve missed writing. I’ve missed the revelations and discovery that comes from the process. I’ve missed the peacefulness of time passing by unnoticed as the words form into thoughts. Writing is as much an act of healing as it is of expression. It’s very therapeutic.

I think part of my challenge is rising expectations. I’ve grown in my writing and I now judge myself too strictly. It hinders the free flow that is an essential part of my writing process. I need to learn how to write with a softer heart toward myself. Allow myself the space to create (for better or worse). I can always decide not to publish the piece (or work on it further before I do).

My earliest published works were raw. My words clumsy. My illustrations simplistic. But they were the best expressions of my thoughts at the time. I can already see improvement areas for my latest book. But, why be judgmental now? Why shy away? Yes, strive to be better, but I hope I can choose to appreciate the journey I’ve been, and continue to be, on.

To embrace this sentiment, here is a silly little play on my apparent infatuation with ‘perhaps’.
I literally had at least five instances of ‘perhaps’ in the first 8 or so pieces in the book. Sheesh 🙄.

Perhaps

Perhaps this, perhaps that;
Perhaps I’ll buy a new hat,
Or perhaps pet a black cat.
Perhaps its me, perhaps its you;
Perhaps I’ve not a clue
Why I say perhaps so often.
Perhaps, my vocabulary is so rotten,
Full of synonyms forgotten,
That I can’t get by
Or give an alternative a try?
Perhaps yes, perhaps no,
Or perhaps we’ll never, ever see
Me write with more certainty!

Be well,

Monty

Resting at Sea

The wooden boat tossed and turned,
Waves crashing as the winds changed,
Threatening up from down,
Yet the small vessel’s heading held steady,
As the man laid side by side with Jesus,
Embracing in their sleep, peacefully,
Knowing God’s hand’s on the helm.

Be well,

Monty

“Seeking the Light” Book Launch

I’m joyful to share that my latest book, Seeking the Light, has now been published.

Seeking the Light is a selection of poems and short essays reflecting on my ongoing journey of discovering my faith. A journey of curiosity. Of hope. Of seeking the light.

As with most journeys, the path hasn’t been straight. Sometimes there are a few diversions or even detours. This is reflected in this work, which I’ve compiled in the order that I wrote them over the course of the past year or so to give you a glimpse into my private journal.

This work is dedicated to baba and mama, my wife’s parents, and to all the shared memories we had as a family. Baba passed on January 14, 2023. Mama passed on February 22, 2023. God bless your souls. I love you.

Special thanks to murisopsis @ A Different Perspective for providing valuable beta reader feedback.

Seeking the Light

Be well,

Monty

#American Reset

Octogenarian egos running
On empty promises of old and
Revenge hardly gone cold
Who pushed replay?

Filters overflowing,
E-mails piling high
Screaming the end is nigh!
Select all, delete.

We can’t do this again
Exhausted from emotion
From all the fake outrage and commotion
Smashing control alt delete!

It’s time to call the fight,
Let’s check the manual,
It’s got to be constitutional
To factory reset this broken union?

Be well,

Monty

Left-Over Dim Sum

The new year began as the last year ended, deliciously. Yesterday, Mrs. Monty and I found our selves in the proximity of the most memorable dim sum restaurant in Shanghai around lunch time. We correctly anticipated a long wait for an open table but we decided it would be worth it. It’d been a couple years at least since our last visit.

They handed us a paper menu and pencil to check-off the dishes we wanted to order while we waited. We were hungry and had time on our hands…which meant we ordered a feast.

About an hour later we were sat at a table that was quickly turned-over from a previous group. Hundreds of tables around us were full of folks feasting on all types of deliciousness. We placed our order with the waiter and it wasn’t long before our own began arriving:

– Winter Melon Soup (served in the carved out melon half)
– Crispy Fried Spring Rolls
– ‘Fragrant’ (i.e. smelly) Fried Tofu
– Minced Meat Moon Cakes
– Bean Curd Skin Wraps filled with Fragrant Tofu
– Slow-Cooked Chicken Feet with Soy Beans
– A mysterious green vegetable (i.e. the name escapes me)
– Sweet Custard Buns
– Browned Crispy Rice Cakes
– Slow-Cooked Pigs Feet
– Crispy-Fried Shrimp rolls

I feel like some items have slipped from my memory, but at least this can give you a sense that when I say we had a ‘feast’ I meant it literally. We had also ordered Roasted Pigeon, but they were out for the day.

Everything was amazing. Even the fragrant tofu which isn’t usually a favorite of mine (I tend to keep it on the other side of the lazy susan whenever I can).

Needless to say, we didn’t finish it all and we packed-up plenty of left-overs to enjoy New Year’s Day.

So with that, this year’s blog starts with a tasty post. A bit of a different fare than my usual poetry or drawings. As for what’s next, I’ve no idea. Let’s find out together.

Happy New Year, all! May you and your’s be blessed throughout the new year (and all your meals be delicious too!).

Be well,

Monty

Unasked and Answered: Last Scraps

Monty’s answers to some of your unasked questions…

If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Ok, I’ve played this hypothetical out multiple times but never really found the right answer…till now!

One classic direction to go would be the favorite dish option. It’s a logical choice…or is it? I don’t know about you but eating too much of any one thing will quickly make that food no longer my favorite. Chocolate ice cream is sweet and all but on the thirteenth bowl all I’d be thinking about is the lactose hell I would have to pay sooner than later.

Most choices will fall into this same trap. Weather a favorite or not, eventually any one thing will eventually be a bore or worse.

Another option is to try and ‘cheat’ the game and pick a dish that is so flexible that you can literally eat anything you want. Pizza was a favorite choice of mine in the past. While I’m not usually a pineapple pizza guy…it can be done and that’s just scraping the surface of the options. But I call this a cop out. Choosing pizza is fine, but you’ve got to select all the toppings too. You can’t just have anything you want and still be in the game. And I would argue that if you lock-down on one set of toppings you’ll run into the same dilemma as the afore options.

Now like I said at the top, I’ve never quite solved this riddle before but today I think I’ve got it. Here is the answer: salad. Not just any salad. And not some cheat salad where you can add anything you want and it just becomes another version of the everything goes pizza. But a specific salad composed of a specific set of components. Sure it will still be the same salad everyday and it will be bit tiring, but each bite can be a little unique because each of the salad components keep their own flavor and texture profile. That’s the key! And you can’t have some heavy dressing smothering all of the salad either masking the diversity. I’d suggest keeping the dressing on the side as a dipping sauce to use as you wish per bite.

So that’s my choice. A salad. And more specifically a grilled chicken salad with fresh spring greens like spinach and arugula, vine ripened tomatoes, perfectly ripe avocado, crisp cauliflower florets, lightly peeled cucumber slices, sweet corn kernels, feta cheese crumbles, and a tangy vinaigrette on the side.

What do you think? Did I finally crack the hypothetical? Or do you think I just found a new mode to cheat?

Or do you have a better solve? What would you do?

Be well,

Monty

Writing Forward

Ok, so here I go. Writing forward. I’ve banned the backspace. No more deleting everything as I go. I need to progress even if I’ve nothing to say. I’ve been in the same position for at least an hour. Inching forward then backward and coming up to empty. Again and again.

I think I’ve been struck dumb by expectations. Expectations that I’m supposed to produce something meaningful or at least clever or mildly amusing. I was much more prolific when I had no expectations. No standards. I just created. If this was all about writing for an audience. About generating content worth reading, then perhaps this would be a good thing? Or at least not as negative as this feels. But I write for myself. For my health. For my sanity. I need to be able to express myself. Any self. All of myself. Whatever that means in the moment. I need to feel.

Where has the poet gone? I’m here. I’m just stifled without anything good (enough) to say. With a voice in my head complaining that rhymes are trite. That angst doesn’t look good on a fifty year old man.

I started writing back in 2020 using the #vss365 prompt from twitter (vss = “very short stories”; 365 = ‘daily”). I somehow wrote something everyday using that prompt for a year and never second guessed myself. I even drew some type of illustration for each one. The illustrations might have been simple but they conveyed meaning. They did the job. Today, I can’t think of anything to write despite the voice in my head having so much to say. And every sketch line I draw begs to be undone.

Even as I write this bit of nothingness I keep pausing. Wondering what is next. This is not how I flow. This is not the therapy I need. I wish. I pray for the mental blocks to unlock. The dam to break and let me flow again. Let my feelings out in words. Let my words fly. Let my words fly.

Be well,

Monty

Breathing Shallow

Do you ever catch yourself breathing shallow? You’re taking in enough oxygen to get by, but not enough to feel fully refueled? Maybe your breaths are slow and shallow. Life slides by barely noticed. Muted and dull. Or perhaps your breaths are rushed and unfinished. Life strobes by in blinks. Anxious and blurred.

Then Life takes one full, deep breath on your behalf and suddenly your day comes into vibrant focus. Colorful. Meaningful.

I do.

Be well,

Monty

Unasked and Answered: The Swap

Monty’s answers to some of your unasked questions…

If you could swap lives with someone for a day,
who would it be and why?

There are two people that come to mind and for similar reasons, but let’s first analyze the situation.

Swapping could be for the purposes of trying to accomplish something different then what would likely occur without the swap. Like swapping places with a former president on the day that he is pleading his latest case in the courts and popping in to say “GUILTY! I am guilty as charged” before mugging for the camera with a goofy smile. My problem with this approach is that I expect things will ‘correct’ themselves in one way or another. By the end of the swap or soon after the intended action will have been reversed/countered.

Another motivation for swapping could be to experience something that you wouldn’t be able to from your own position in life. Like swapping with successful musician and be the lead singer in their sell-out arena show. Aside from the fact that this prospect petrifies me I also question the logistics as to whether I’m getting or not getting the talent of the person I’m swapping with for the day. Can you imagine being on the biggest stage with thousands of adoring fans chanting for “you” and then you go out and just bomb the performance? These days, you’d probably end up getting mobbed by the crowd. And if I did ‘receive the talent’ as part of the swap, then is it really my experience anyway? Seems like it would be easier to just buy some good tickets and watch the show.

Now, I could easily logic my way out of my own selections as well. That is always the challenge with these hypotheticals, but let’s go with it anyway. My first thought was to swap with my son. Not to accomplish anything specifically, but just to live a day in his life. To help me gain an appreciation for him and his thinking. To soften my heart and strengthen our relationship. While this would not impact his life directly, my hope is that through it’s impact on me, I would be a more understanding and better father. I think as parents we often think we know better than our children and that ‘our experience’ trumps their feelings, but I’m not so sure that attitude is very helpful. The world has changed. No one has lived anyone else’s life. None of us know better.

The second choice was my father. For many of the same reasons as my son. It’s a second choice as I think it feels more like therapy than a fun experiment and I’m a little bit afraid of what I might learn.

In both of these instances the reverse of the swap (my son or father being me for a day) also seems like it could be similarly beneficial or at least not as devastating as a former president or uppity rock-star messing up my life for a day!

Why not my daughter? Mom? Wife? Well, I could swap for similar arguments as for my son/father. But to be honest I feel like I’m able to communicate with them already pretty openly and honestly so I don’t need to go to such an extreme measure. Also, if I’m completely honest, the idea of being a woman in this world (even if just for a day) is terrifying.

How about you? Who would you consider swapping lives with for a day? Why?

Be well,

Monty