Slipping Out of My Mind

This is not a poem. These are my words slipping out of my mind onto the page. Escaping the cage of needing to mean something and running to freedom. There is no backtracking. The chase is on. A big cat in pursuit.

I was a jaguar. High. Fast. Invincible. Until I awoke torn. Face against fence. Morning light blossoming behind my eyes like throwing stars piercing the membrane of my brain and questioning my decisions.

Was I curious or just desperate for feeling?

Fueled by addiction I overcame my shyness. I went to strange places with strangers and did strange things. A nut in a shell. Cracked open and discovered rotten from the inside. Bitter and off. Spit out upon the floor with others. Spittle and shells.

Hiding behind pen name yet I still cant bring myself to fully confess.

The avocado never ripened. All its creamy promise unrealized. Hard and tasteless. Disappointment. That’s me. Am I an unripe-able avocado? No. Just a common disappointment. No analogy necessary.

I’m a hack. Hiding unskillfulness behind poetic license. Smudging lines and blurring mistakes in the name of art. No one will see through me if nobody sees me.

I feel need. Deep need. Why do I feel so empty? Am I so vacuous that I need to fill myself with others? Why am I not enough?

There is no way to end something that has no beginning. Yet I end. Here. Now.

Or is there more? I listen to pop music and my head starts to bob off beat (or is it offbeat?). Thinking of karaoke blunders and laughter. Cries of victory in a French restaurant. So “murican”. Good times.

The dog seems to like me. Is he a bad judge of character or does he see my potential?

Ice coffee now in hand I think of old drinks of comfort. Hot cocoa with my mom. Special occasions brought out the whipped cream. Warm memories.

Coffee is done. All to soon. Time to move on.

Be well,

Monty

• It’s Complicated (2025 NaPoWriMo #5)
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• Drawn (2025 NaPoWriMo #4)
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• Licensed to Poet (2025 NaPoWriMo #3)
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• Dear Me (2025 NaPoWriMo #2)
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• Moto (2025 NaPoWriMo #1)
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• The Portrait (2025 NaPoWriMo #0)
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• Adding My Light to the Sum of the Light
  Be well, Monty
• As Time Dances Along
  East bleeds west,As time dances along,Urging the day forward. Be well, Monty
• Sitting in the Dark
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• I’ll Be Ok
  I fell down, hard. First tripped up by my own feet, I’d lost my balance. Then they saw their chance and pushed me. Slammed meContinue reading “I’ll Be Ok”
• Burning Slow
  I’m slow to anger, how biblical of me! But the truth is I burn low and slow and resentfully. You won’t catch me shouting loud.Continue reading “Burning Slow”
• Re-reading Monty
  They claim to be my words, but I’ve no memory;They seem too deep, too wise, beyond me,Yet there they are, on the page,With a typoContinue reading “Re-reading Monty”
• An Act of Love
  She ripped a page out of my book, literally.Tore the page right out of it,Transforming words undercover into an act of love,A passionate invitation toContinue reading “An Act of Love”
• Textures
  Be well, Monty
• Psych 101
  A mystery, a silent roar,Boiled down to an atmospheric essence,Unlimited in a formless dress;The girl from Baylor Hall. Be well, Monty
• Boing!
  Be well, Monty
• Another Absurdity
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• Explicit Absurdity
  Hydrogen uppers gaslight me into obsolescence,Escaping gravity, wound-up, and ready to bounceAn engineer’s failed experiment in abstinence,A human bot,Go ahead and tariff me – what’sContinue reading “Explicit Absurdity”
• Poof!
  Be well, Monty
• The Dancer
  Be well, Monty
• A “Selfie” Portrait
  Be well, Monty
• And There it Was
  A simple request. An ask to take the decision out of my hands. To be open to receive. That’s all it took. It wasn’t longContinue reading “And There it Was”
• A Return to Patterns
  Be well, Monty
• Poetry in Motion
  Be well, Monty
• A Simple Joy
  The citrus spritz bloomed,Awakening my senses,A simple, wondrous joy,The sweet scent from a bitter rind,Perhaps a lesson there. Be well, Monty
• A Life Being Lived
  I’ve been retracing my steps all morning. Not deep into the past, but shallow moves forward followed by equal measures backward. Stuck in a reciprocatingContinue reading “A Life Being Lived”
• The Visitor
  He chatters away downstairs, the sound carrying upward as he tells a story in a rush, interrupted only by the laughter of a captive audienceContinue reading “The Visitor”
• Seasons of the Sun
  Be well, Monty
• A Gray Day
  Finally a gray day,All those expansive bluesWere wearing me down,As if compelling me to good humor,Trying to get me to forget it’s still mid-winter. WellContinue reading “A Gray Day”
• An Evening’s Inventory
  The dog lays flat out as if to emphasize the basis of the saying “dog-tired”. The TV chatters in Chinese in the background, almost quietContinue reading “An Evening’s Inventory”
• Firework Extractions
  Be well, Monty