Day 13

For appropriate context, you will want to first read these posts: “Eleven Days Ago” and “Day 12”.

My wife’s surgery went smoothly. She arrived back a couple hours later than planed, in intense pain, and barely aware, but she arrived back. With her she brought a newly constructed ankle — three titanium brackets and fifteen pins. There were more pieces to put back together then originally thought based on all the scans, but the surgeon said everything was now in its place.

I helped the nurses transfer her from the transport bed to the room bed. All it involved was pulling one corner of the sheet she was on…but I felt like I was doing something of use. I recall the first time I was in a hospital room with loved one coming out of surgery. It was my daughter on the bed — so tiny and fragile. I almost fainted at the site and the nurses started to pay more attention to me than my daughter. I felt terrible about this. I wanted to say don’t pay attention to me. Please take care of my daughter first. But having a falling accident in a hospital is a major issue and the nurses were trained to protect against it. They did their job and got me into a chair and went back to my daughter’s care, but I’ll always remember that I wasn’t strong enough for her in that moment. Part of me worried that this would happen again, but I was steady this time. I was even a little useful.

The first hour back was torture to watch (and listen too). I can’t imagine fully what it was like for my wife to experience. Slowly we all got a handle on the pain management. There was a “magic” button that would pump just a little extra anesthetic when most needed and my wife would become skilled at timing the pump over the course of the night.

It was during the late evening hours when she was “in the zone” of having enough pain relief but aware when things got intimate. We talked that is. We talked about life. Our life. About difficult times. About silver linings. About love. About our future. I won’t kiss and tell (in too much detail), but I think we both had a moment. A moment that we both needed. A moment that reaffirmed for both of us that we wanted many more of such moments together. From pain our love and commitment is forged stronger like wrought iron. It’s not just an analogy (ok it IS just an analogy, but it feels so damn true).

Today is a good day.

Be well,

Monty

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  Be well, Monty