Tag Archives: mental health

Seriously Unserious

7th post for #bloganuary (a WordPress event)

The Prompt: What makes you laugh?

Answer: Me. And I mean that seriously.

Seriously Unserious (a serious essay about silliness, seriously!)

(originally published July 25, 2021 on Monty’s Scribbles)

Silliness is not a frivolous exercise for me. But rather a battle for some semblance of sanity. My brain tends to drain into downward spirals. Things tend to get pretty damn dark after awhile. The facts don’t matter so much. The dream house. The loving wife. The healthy kids. These are just idiosyncrasies in a life too good for me. Emotionally, I feel unworthy.

So what to do when I’m feeling blue? It makes no sense so there is no amount of evidence that will support a winning defense. A logical argument just gets twisted and warped within my noggin. I’m wired for self-flogging. The answer is a cliché. Let me explain my way. The best defense against my negativity is a seriously unserious offense. Truthfully, it’s quite silly. Literally.

“Haha”, I force a fake laugh. “Hehe” I yelp, hoping it will help. Sometimes I speak in garbely gook, a language of nonsensical sounds that usually have a rhyming hook. Once I’ve found my sound, It becomes my dance track. My body starts to move like a moose that just lost its rack. Unburdened. Clumsily leaping and lurching to freedom’s beat.  Never looking back.

Onlookers may call me crazy. Except young kids. They understand me. They join in with their very own whoop and holler. No need to fake their laughter. They’ve yet to forget that silliness is a sure-all cure-all to the doldrums. Kids are wired for play. That’s why they are so resilient against all of life’s trials thrown their way. Then we “grow-up.” We forfeit our silliness for seriousness and life becomes injurious. 

But usually this is a solo affair. Just me flailing strangely in the air. Starting off forced and fake, a true laugh starts to overtake. I twist and turn in a mental dance. My downward spiral spinning into an upward swirl. Silliness lifts my spirit. I don’t know why I keep forgetting this. That’s what this essay is for. A reminder for when I’m feeling down and unsure.

Silliness, my drug of choice. Yes, some side effects. Most notably strange looks. But trust me it’s worth it. I’m speaking to me as much as to you. For I’m in a moment of need. “Haha”. “Hehe”. Off I go. This is going to be one hell of a weird dance show. Let’s get up while getting down. It’s time to go to silly town.

Be well,

Monty

An Inspired Post

6th post for #bloganuary (a WordPress event)

The Prompt: Who is someone that inspires you and why?

Oooooooh! I really set myself up with the title of this post didn’t I? Nothing like setting expectations high and then crashing and burning. Haha. But seriously, lower your expectations. It’s just a play on words. Or is it?

First, a small observation. This is the first prompt in the series that adds the “and why”. I honestly assumed that some type of explanation is required for all of these prompts to generate any interesting content. After all, it’s the why behind our hopes and desires, thoughts and feelings, and crazy behaviors that is most interesting, isn’t it? In fact, figuring out the “why” for myself is my biggest motivation for writing in the first place.

I think that there are many people, both the publicly well known and those in my private life that have inspiring accomplishments. Almost everyone has some attributes about them that are potentially inspiring to others. But the key to this question, I think, is whom has actually inspired me to action. After all, without any action how inspired were we really?

Many of the things that I’m most proud of in my recent life I can trace back to personal motivation. The idea may have come from someone or somewhere, but the action and follow through came from within. Over the past 18 months, starting in my 47th year, I’ve self-published five books (after never having written creatively before besides school). Each of these books were self-illustrated (after never having created art before besides school or playing as a child). I’ve done all of this while working in a demanding job and trying to be a good husband, father, son, brother. I may sound like I’m bragging. I guess I am. I’m proud of these accomplishments. To be honest, these accomplishments inspire me to do even more creatively. I’m still writing and illustrating. I’m now also personally blogging. I’m feeling good about myself (and that is not my natural emotional set-point).

In the past several years, I’ve also been on a journey of recovery from four decades of chronic pain (migraines) while also living with major depressive disorder. I’ve learned self-care using mind-body techniques. I’ve learned and made a habit of meditation and yoga. I’ve transformed chronic pain into periodic discomfort. I’ve learned to be happy while being chemically wired for sadness. It hasn’t been easy. Of this journey, I’m also proud.

So the answer to the question of who inspires me is…me? No. Well, yes, but not for this post’s purpose. I’d like to live into the intent of the prompt and share about how and why I’ve been inspired by others in my life. The nominations are:

1. My Mom for inspiring me (granted with some positional power) to get my act together as a teenager. I was out of control and she provided the tough love I needed at the time to make a change and a life-time of unconditional love to support me along the way. Thanks Mom.

2. My Wife for inspiring me to be my best self for the family. She believed in a better me than I’ve ever believed in. She encouraged me to take chances at work that directly led to my career success. She acknowledged my illness, but didn’t allow me to define myself by it. She encouraged me to be present and involved as a father, husband, son. She taught me that by always putting family first we can keep our family together (even through times when we’re not so sure we wanted to). Thanks love.

3. My Children for inspiring me to own up to my failures. When I did let them and my family down they held me accountable. In each of their own ways they have been (rightfully) tough on me for letting them down. They said I’d been their roll-model. They looked up to me. I was the “best” father they could imagine. When I failed them I shattered their world. But we’ve talked about it. We’ve worked and continue to work through our feelings. It’s that ongoing conversation that they are gifting me. Through these conversations with my children I’ve learned to live with regret without feeling constant punishing guilt. Thanks loves.

And the winner is…A THREE-WAY TIE. How extraordinary.

Be well,

Monty