Home of Monty Vern
These were little animations that I did last year as I explored moving pictures. I plan to continue to build this skill when I’ve got a good story to animate.
I’m using this post to test how well these mini videos work on the WordPress platform. Hopefully this works. Let me know! Thanks.
Be well,
Monty
No Love For Fatties invites us to join in on her Paint Chip Poetry by creating our own poem inspired by the paint chip colors of the week. I think this is a really creative and fun idea so I’m giving it a try. Check out her original post and join in too if you feel inspired.
Paint Chip Poetry
Be well,
Monty
Paul, over at the Captain’s Speech hosted the first ever blogger games last year during the Summer Olympics. It was a fun time. The competition was fierce and although I made the podium once during the five week games, I didn’t place in the end. Well, the time is nigh for that to change. Peckapalooza from The Confusing Middle, one of my fellow contestants in the first games, has negotiated organizing rights with Paul and is hosting The Blogger Games II just in time to coincide with the winter games. Enough said. Let’s play!
The Blogger Games II – Week 1 (The Confusing Middle)
1. Which of the following foods will Peckapalooza refuse to eat under any circumstances? A) Chocolate B) Spinach C) Broccoli D) Peanut Butter
Answer: B) Spinach. I reject Peckapalooza’s claim to being a grown-up adult.
2. What is most frequently Peckapalooza’s go to bowl of cereal? A) Frosted Flakes B) Cinnamon Toast Crunch C) Rice Krispies D) Honey-Nut Cheerios
Answer: A. Frosted Flakes. It’s a toss-up between Frosted Flakes and Cinnamon Toast Crunch so I went with my gut (and avoiding two B answers in a row). My personal go-to cereal is Cheerios (standard, but China’s variation on the cereal which is much more crunchy and robust. Vastly superior to the US version in my opinion).
3. Peckapalooza [claims] he doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth, but which kind of pie does he consider the best? A) Apple B) Pumpkin C) Key Lime D) Lemon Merengue
Answer: C) Key Lime Pie. After Lemon Merengue, this is one of the worst pies in my opinion. Too sweet. That’s right! I’m throwing down and risking it all by challenging the judge. Just call me reckless. I’m a Pumpkin and Apple pie kinda guy.
4. What is the only drink Peckapalooza will order at Starbucks? A) Pumpkin Spice Latte B) Caramel Apple Spice C) Caramel Macchiato D) White Chocolate Mocha w/ Raspberry
Answer: D) White Chocolate Mocha w/ Raspberry. I’ve never even heard of this one, but it’s the least coffee-like drink on the list (and white chocolate isn’t really chocolate). Also since Peckapalooza is a monster and doesn’t prefer pumpkin or apple pie, that eliminated two of the other options. Oh, and who knew Raspberry had a “p” in it??? I certainly never did. When the red squiggle line came up I was convinced some one messed with the editor’s dictionary.
5. Which condiment would Peckapalooza never put on a hot dog? A) Mayonnaise B) Ketchup C) Mustard D) Chili
Answer: A) Mayonnaise. Because despite my contentious comments earlier I don’t believe Peckapalooza is a monster. Also Chili is a topping not a condiment in my book.
6. As a kid, when enjoying a glass of chocolate milk, what did Peckapalooza use to change the white milk to chocolate? A) Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup B) Ovaltine C) Nestle Quik D) Swiss Miss Cocoa Mix
Answer: C) Nestle Quik. Because Peckapalooza is a child of the 80’s. Would Swiss Miss even work in cold milk?
7. Which fast food chain did Peckapalooza avoid until his early teens because he mistakenly believed that, as a picky eater, he could not specially request what he wanted? A) Burger King B) Taco Bell C) Subway D) Wendy’s
Answer: A) Burger King. Because it’s reasonable as a kid to think you can’t make demands of a king. And while Peckapalooza’s food tastes are a bit unreasonable, he is actually a very reasonable guy.
8: What is Peckapalooza’s favorite flavor of Pop-Tart? A) Apple Cinnamon B) Grape C) Frosted Strawberry D) Unfrosted Strawberry
Answer: D) Unfrosted Strawberry. Because there has to be at least one instance that backs up Peckapalooza’s claim of not being a sweet-tooth.
9. What is Peckapalooza’s preferred salad dressing? A) Thousand Island B) Ranch C) Honey Mustard D) Italian
Answer: A) Thousand Island. Because it is the best at hiding the vegetables (a toss-up with Ranch to be honest).
10) Which of the following topping combinations does Peckapalooza like on his pizza? A) Chicken, Bacon, and Sausage B) Pepperoni and Mushrooms C) Ham and Pineapple D) Peppers, Onions, and Sausage
Answer: B) Pepperoni and Mushroom. A classic. And mushrooms are the least vegetable vegetable there is. Option A, which is all meat, is a red-herring.
When Peckapalooza asks for a food story, you gotta deliver (in 30 minutes or less):
by Monty Vern (originally published in Monty’s Almanac 202x)
“Iron Sponge” – this is what you get when you source your tofu from a co-op’s bulk tofu barrel in Vermont during the 80’s and fry thick slabs of it seasoned only by the cast iron skillet.
Also known as “Torture by Tofu”, these healthy meals were a scaring introduction into the curdish world of soy.
“Tofu Patties” – this is what you turn to when you take an ethics class about animal rights during senior year in college and are too lazy to read the counterarguments.
If not for the illicit juices infiltrating these babies from the tortured cow patties cooked on the very same cafeteria grill and heavy overdoses of condiments all squeezed between bouncy buns, these might have cured me of senioritis. But to this day I haven’t read the counterarguments…I’ve just “conveniently forgot” the arguments in the first place.
“Silk de le Soy” – this, my friends, is a spiritual awakening in tofu form. A delicate tapestry of flavors and textures that serenade one’s tongue. A gift from the Sun gods to the chosen people.
One shouldn’t complain or be too envious – they did after all give us Mario, Luigi, and magic mushrooms. For me, this tofu epiphany came presented in a humble miso soup prepared by the mama-san of the company dormitory. Perfection.
“Dofu Delicacies” – having been enlightened, it was time to move on to the OG of soy (and seemingly all culture as we know it). It doesn’t take long when your living in China to learn that a delicacy is more about delighting the spectators of the poor laowai struggling to keep their stomach from turning upside down than any sort of culinary pleasure. Dofu is no exception. What’s beautiful about the Chinese is that they don’t mess around with euphemisms , with names like “stinky dofu” from Zhejiang to “hairy dofu” from Anhui , you know exactly what you’re getting.
So, there you have it. My life in tofu. Wherever you are in your tofu discovery journey, I raise my glass (or more accurately my bowl) of soymilk to you wishing you health and joy and ever’ soy.
Be well,
Monty
For those that don’t know me, I’m a work-in-progress everything, but especially in the area of drawing/art. The last time that I learned art was in high school and it was my lowest grade (which I resented at the time, but fair in retrospect given my effort and talent).
However, when I started creative writing in early 2020, I felt there were some things that were better articulated visually then with words alone. So, I started creating companion illustrations for my poetry and short stories. Since then I have primarily focused on visual expressions of my creative idea, but recently I decided to up my skill game and practice some of the basics. My thought is that by refining some of these skills, I will be able to bring them back into my creative pieces in the future.
With all that said, here are a few of my recent “skill building” attempts which have centered around food and drink. If your interested in seeing my attempts at human form, check out my Sketchy Drawings.
Be well,
Monty
With #bloganuary out of the way, it’s now time for something fresh as we (hopefully) ease out of winter and into an early spring. Luckily, I’m not the only one that’s been thinking about this and Sandra from What Sandra Thinks has created a series of daily prompts for the month of February. Looking over the prompts, I felt they had a lot of promise so, let’s do this!
Thanks to Giggling Fattie at No Love for Fatties for her post that introduced the opportunity. And, of course, special thanks to Sandra for all of the inspiration.
The prompt: “Bad Idea”
A Bad Idea
Oh girl, you’re a bad idea.
Wild and reckless,
Tempting me with your cool indifference
For my welfare,
Exciting and dangerous,
Just my type,
Mom’s worst nightmare,
Oh girl, let’s do this!
Dare me with your wicked ways;
I’m ready,
Light the fuse,
My devilish muse,
I can,
But won’t,
Refuse.
😈,
Monty
With #bloganuary out of the way, it’s now time for something fresh as we (hopefully) ease out of winter and into an early spring. Luckily, I’m not the only one that’s been thinking about this and Sandra from What Sandra Thinks has created a series of daily prompts for the month of February. Looking over the prompts, I felt they had a lot of promise so, let’s do this!
Thanks to Giggling Fattie at No Love for Fatties for her post that introduced the opportunity. And, of course, special thanks to Sandra for all of the inspiration.
At the risk of setting myself up for disappointment, I’m going to go ahead and title this series “Daily Droppings” and plan to post daily. Hopefully I can get plenty of “mental fiber” and stick to a regular schedule.
The prompt: “You Knew?”
My son, 20 years old this month and at university, recently admitted to me that he used to read my journal. In his words “You were really messed up”. I don’t disagree (except for maybe his use of the past tense). I was shocked about what he knew about me all these years and never mentioned. Yes, he totally violated my privacy, but all I could think about was how did he ever stay silent all those years? How did reading my very personal words impact him?
I started journaling as part of therapy. I’d been suffering chronic pain and depression since my early childhood and I finally accepted that I needed help. And I finally wanted help versus a permanent escape.
My journal was a mind dump of the darkest thoughts that crossed my mind. I confessed to thoughts I never knew I had. I never realized how angry and repressed I was until I started to journal. I scrawled nasty and hateful thoughts. Dark fantasies. Detailed recounts of suicide attempts and future plans. Interspersed with moments of gratitude, love, and light. I wrote wildly and never read my entries. I just purged and moved on. I can’t imagine what it was like for my son to read my words. Did he think these were just thoughts and crazy writings? Or did he believe that those written words were truer than the ones I spoke?
I’m too afraid to ask him. While, I’ve made much progress with my mental health, I’m just not ready to know. My son has struggled with his own mental health and I’m still working through my role in his illness. I know there are genetics at play, but I fear the damage I’ve done. Not by my words never intended to be read, but by my actions (and inactions). I don’t know. To be honest, I don’t know that I need to know.
All I know is that I love my son. Yes, I worry for him, but I also believe in him. Hope for him. And hope that he reads and believes these words too.
Be well,
Monty
This post is brought to you by the number Two.
Be well,
Monty
Let’s kick of this new year with a little topical self-promotion!
Have you ever wondered what your Chinese zodiac sign and fortune are? Well you could google it…or, better yet, you could pick up a copy of Monty’s Almanac 202x. It won’t be accurate, but it will be fun!
Monty’s Almanac 202x is an autobiographical collection of short stories, poetic prose, and quirky cartoons about a young boy and his comic misadventures growing up on a commune in Vermont during the 80’s. Structurally and aesthetically inspired by The Old Farmer’s Almanac, this collection is arranged by the four season (published June 2021)
Not convinced? Well, you could just pity me as I’ve only sold a couple of copies to date…I’m not beyond a pity purchase. Besides whether you buy this because of the awesome content or because you pity me the result is the same. Guaranteed* laughs!
*Disclaimer: My publisher (i.e. me) is requiring me to clarify that this guarantee is legally meaningless. If you don’t laugh you get nothing back in return. But I do encourage you to really take some stock in life and make sure your enjoying yourself. If you can’t laugh at this comic gold than I’m worried for you. Seriously concerned. You may need to seek professional help.**
**Disclaimer about my disclaimer: Once again my publisher is putting his foot down. I’m now required to clarify that I’m not a medical professional and I’m not qualified to diagnose your lack of laughter as any type of disease. For that you should seek a real medical professional (which is what I said in the first place)!
Be well,
Monty
I wrote about my 2022 Intentions (as an alternative to resolutions) during the new year. After wrapping up January it’s time to reflect. As a reminder, “intentions” are the behaviors and attitudes that I intend to promote and champion within myself each day. The intent is to do (be) my best on any given day…in any given moment. There are no rules. No broken promises. Just good intentions.
My first 2022 Intention was to ”Rise and Shine”. To get up when I (first) wake up. Given my normal sleep patterns I decided to wake and get up at 5 a.m. (with a 9-9:30 sleep target to ensure I got enough sleep to feel rested). In January, I awoke at or before 5 a.m. every day and my average time asleep was just over 7 hours. So I’ve been living into this intention quite well.
How do I feel? GREAT! My energy and motivation is way up. I get done with my morning routine by 6am and am ready to face the day without any rush. If I feel tired during the day, I take a nap (naps are great too!).
My second 2022 Intention was to “Move”. To get my body moving daily whether it be doing yoga, or taking a walk, or going for a bike ride or swim it’s all good. The idea here was whether I feel fresh or tired, I‘ll choose to move. In January, I made significant improvement in my movement. I exercised every day at least once and sometimes twice. Yoga was part of my morning routine so I did it everyday (I increased from 10 minutes to 15 minutes over the course of the month and did several 30 minute sessions as well). I also started walking. When working from home and the weather was favorable I took a ~6km walk when I had a free block in between meetings. When at work I took a shorter lunch time walk. I got major blisters the first time as I walked in my work shoes so I bought an extra pair of sneakers to keep at the office just so I could walk. I walked 16 times this month. On average I worked out for an average of 1 hour a day since I started tracking mid-month.
How do I feel? GREAT! I’m feeling much better about myself. I’m still well below average in cardio fitness level (I invested in an Apple Watch to help me better understand and track my heart health), but I’m slowly improving and most importantly I feel highly motivated to continue.
My third 2022 Intention was to “Be”. To meditate each day. In January, I meditated every morning for about 10 minutes depending on the length of my preferred guided meditation length. I did my meditation after my yoga practice so I was awake enough not to fall asleep. I got myself a meditation cushion with back support which has been good support and I’ve been able to really get into the flow this month. I also sprinkled in some additional meditations during the month when I needed to give my mind a break.
How do I feel? GREAT! I know. I know. It’s getting repetitive, but it’s the truth. I’ve had a number of stressful situations this month at work and they sometimes got me a bit off kilter, but I was able to use meditation to recalibrate myself and my priorities each time.
My fourth 2022 Intention was to “Create”. To write and or create art each day. In January, I wrote every day at least once and often created an illustration as well. I participated in a blogging event called #bloganuary that provided a writing prompt every day. Here’s a recap. In total, I posted 48 times in January on my blog. I also started to try to learn how to sketch this month and spent a lot of time working on basic skills.
How do I feel? Inspired! (Thought I was going to say great, didn’t you?). There is nothing like creating something from nothing. I love it. I also moved my blog onto WordPress this month which allowed for much more interaction via comments, which I found very rewarding and motivating.
Well there they are. My 2022 January reflections. I’m feeling very positive about my intentions and I don’t have any adjustments to make at this time. I do want to get a smart exercise bike so I can do some more cardio besides walking (especially when the weather is not cooperative). I’m waiting for my annual bonus to come in then will make the splurge.
With #bloganuary over, I’m not sure how I will approach February yet for the blog. I’m open to posting daily again if I’m inspired (if you’re aware of any February daily prompts, please let me know). But I can always write and draw for myself without feeling the need to post. Posting and getting some feedback and interaction is a bonus, but the true value is in the creating.
How about you?
Be well,
Monty
Well #bloganuary has come to an end and while I’m grateful that this event helped bring me over to the WordPress platform and significantly increased the level of my engagement with the blogging community, I’m also VERY happy to see it’s conclusion. I made the best of it and I will give the benefit of the doubt to the WordPress team for having the best of intentions, but some of these prompts were a pretty rough. As a relative newbie to the blogging world I applied my fresh energy to the challenge and tried my best to create some interesting content. Here is a recap of the top three posts from the series, and the worst performer (based on number of views).
The Stats: 32 views
The Prompt: What does it mean to live boldly?
Analysis: This one required some research to get started, which is a different from most of my writing as I tend to write from what I (think) I know. The result was a poetic list that feels right.
The Stats: 29 views
The Prompt: Write about what makes you feel strong.
Analysis: This was my favorite post of the series by far. I had no idea where I was going to go with it when I started. I just knew I didn’t feel strong. The result is a bit of poetic prose that really resonates for me.
The Stats: 26 views
The Prompt: What are five things you’re grateful for today?
Analysis: This one just flowed naturally (which I was grateful for)
The Stats: 26 views
The Prompt: If you could, what year would you time travel to and why?
Analysis: [Spoiler] There’s no time like the present.
The Stats: 2 views
The Prompt: What is a road trip you would love to take?
My Response: This was a five-for-one so you all missed a great deal. My only guess as to why this one performed so poorly is that it was very early and I hadn’t established an audience yet (but I can’t explain why it outperformed the first post of the series). *shrug*
Be well,
Monty
Monty’s Blahg